Sunday, July 6, 2008

Exhaustion

This past week at FF, I felt extremely tired sitting through all the meetings. In fact, I found this year's FF far more tiring than any previous one I can remember. One reason may have been that the schedule has been reduced by one day the last three years, and that we crammed in lots of meetings with little free time.

On two consecutive nights this past week I remembered portions of dreams, which although not scary in the sense of nightmares, left me nevertheless feeling absolutely EXHAUSTED when I woke up. If I dreamed like this the other nights, that would partially explain the fatigue I felt during the daytime (which may not have been due after all just to the events of the daytime..)

Night one: I was surf-fishing on a beach, a beach not dissimilar to one which I occurred in at least one dream I had in the last few years (on the similar beach years ago, I recall landing a fish which had a head that looked sort of like a bald man and which talked!). This time, I and someone I have been experiencing personal conflict with the past year were out fishing and we each were landing trophy fish! (as if we were fishing for tuna on the open sea or something). But as we sought to land the fish two of them came floating out of the water and began trying to bite people. Feelings of detached horror...

The second night, I was on the bridge of a ship out on the open sea. It was pouring down rain, and the waves were rough (this has some basis in reality, as back in 1988 I was on an Argentine navy ship in seas like this for a few days, with the ship tossing in what seemed like 45 degree angles). I don't remember anyone else from this dream, and again it didn't feel like a nightmare (felt rather like one of those dreams you knew you were dreaming, or like a watching a movie or TV show), but again I woke up feeling absolutely EXHAUSTED.

Although I slept long each night, I know one other field member who went through the whole week only sleeping a few hours each night. I guess there's more emotional/interpersonal stuff blowing beneath the surface this year in the lives of some of us... If I had to guess, I'd hypothesize that both the stormy sea as well as the attacking trophy fish both represent exhausting emotions related to resolving interpersonal conflict, which we spent some time this past week discussing.